Expressions of “I’m sorry” can be challenging, particularly in the professional setting. A sincere apology can help with the resolution of conflicts, the restoration of trust, and the encouragement of collaboration among colleagues. But what kind is the most effective?
According to a research team that includes a University of Arizona faculty member, to make your next apology more effective, use language that contradicts gender stereotypes.
The team sought to determine what makes an effective apology in the workplace and whether the components of a successful apology vary based on the apologizer’s gender, said Sarah Doyle, associate professor in the Eller College of Management’s Department of Management and Organizations.
Competence vs Warmth
The researchers used previous research to define “feminine” and “masculine” language. One such study from 2003 described feminine language as caring, communal, and warm, and masculine language as having more agency and being more assertive, confident, and self-assured.
Apologies employing less formal language were classified as “communal” by the team, while those utilizing more formal language were designated as “agentic.” Overall, Doyle’s team discovered that apologies from individuals who “violated” gender stereotypes were perceived as more sincere.
“We found that women delivering masculine-style apologies benefited because they were seen as displaying higher levels of assertiveness and enhancing their perceived competence. The men delivering apologies with more stereotypically feminine language were seen as having greater interpersonal sensitivity that enhanced their perceived benevolence or warmth,”
Doyle said.
Celebrity Agentic Apologies
The research team started its series of four studies by searching on X, formerly Twitter, a well-known platform where celebrities frequently apologize. In the end, 87 apology tweets from celebrities were analyzed, including those of television personality Kendra Wilkinson, rapper and vocalist Lizzo, comedian Kevin Hart, and actor Tyler Posey.
Particularly for the women in the sample, Doyle noted, the response from the public to those tweets validated the notion that those who apologized benefited from defying gender norms.
“The female celebrities who delivered apologies that were higher in these masculine qualities were especially likely to receive these benefits,” Doyle said. “There were higher ‘like’ counts and the sentiments in response to those apology tweets were much more positive.”
For women delivering an apology on the platform, a one-point increase in agentic language, as measured on a five-point scale, returned an average of more than 17,000 additional likes, Doyle said.
Everyday People
366 employed adults took part in the second study with a scenario that their accountant sent them an email apologizing for an error that occurred with their taxes. Participants were designated at random to one of four groups based on the way in which a male or female accountant delivered an apology that was stereotypically masculine or feminine.
Subsequently, the participants assessed various elements of the contrition in order to ascertain their preference for maintaining the accountant’s services. Consistent with the findings of the initial investigation, the data demonstrated that the counter-stereotypical apology was more efficacious for both male and female apologies.
The third study involved 441 individuals participating in the same accounting scenario but asked them to respond to the accountant’s apology and determine whether they wanted to keep working with them.
The fourth study was similar to the third, except it utilized a scenario involving a nurse’s paperwork blunder to determine if adopting a more typically female vocation changed the results. Each study’s findings demonstrated that counter-stereotypical apologies were more successful, especially for female apologizers.
Boosting Perceived Remorse
Researchers discovered that for women, offering a counter-stereotypical apology boosted the apology’s perceived effectiveness by an average of 9.7% across tests employing accounting or nursing settings. Using a counter-stereotypical apology raised perceived efficacy by 8.2% on average in men.
“It’s important to mention that we did not find that men and women are penalized for giving a stereotypical apology,” Doyle said, “Rather, they benefit from giving a counter-stereotypical one. Thus, any apology is likely to be better than no apology at all.”
In other words, there are numerous approaches to apologizing, and considering your options can be helpful, Doyle said.
“I think people assume that ‘I’m sorry’ is a consistent and effective way to apologize, but there are a lot of different ways to say that,” Doyle explained. “Not all apologies are the same, and it can help to be a little bit more deliberate about the language that you’re using and the content that is included in your apology.”
The research team hopes that the findings will encourage people to think about how we communicate rather than how often we apologize.
“Much of the literature suggests women apologize too much and men don’t apologize enough,”
Doyle said.
However, she believes that the frequency aspect is overstated. It’s not simply a question of whether people should apologize more or less, but also of how we may design apologies differently. What you add in your apology is what will truly count.
Reference:
- Polin, B., Doyle, S. P., Kim, S., Lewicki, R. J., & Chawla, N. (2023). Sorry to ask but … how is apology effectiveness dependent on apology content and gender? Journal of Applied Psychology. doi: 10.1037/apl0001128