When older parents become frail or disabled, it can place a heavy burden on adult children. But the parent-child relationship appears to be a two-way street.
Adult children also have a profound effect on their parents’ psychological well-being.
New research suggests that older mothers are more prone to depression if their adult children struggle with serious problems such as financial difficulties or alcohol or drug abuse. Says coauthor Karl Pillemer, professor in the human development department and of gerontology in medicine at Weill Cornell Medicine:
“What surprised me in this study was the degree to which reports of children’s problems were strongly correlated with depressive symptoms.”
The lifelong bonds of attachment are so powerful that, even among mothers in their late 70s and 80s, problems in their children’s lives profoundly affect their mental health, Pillemer says.
“In studies, I have interviewed 100-year-olds who are still worried about their 78-year-old children. This is a very important contributor to older parents’ health.”
For the study, published in the journal Research on Aging, researchers analyzed data from interviews with 352 older women who each had at least two adult children.
The mothers reported whether they experienced symptoms of depression and identified which adult child she felt the most emotionally close to and which she would prefer to receive help from if she became ill or disabled. The mothers also indicated whether any of their children dealt with serious problems such as an injury, trouble with the law, or difficulties with marriage or at work.
The researchers had expected that the mothers would be more depressed if the adult child they felt closest to or expected help from struggled with serious issues.
The findings may reassure adult children who have felt discomfort due to parental favoritism, Pillemer says.
“If mom is more emotionally close to one child or another, she is also deeply concerned about what happens to all of her offspring.”
The study also has clinical implications because older adults, who generally were raised to keep quiet about family matters, may not spontaneously offer information about their children’s struggles. And people sometimes experience their children not doing well as embarrassing or shameful.
Clinicians should ask older people showing signs of depression whether they are worried about any of their children, Pillemer says.
“Certainly if an older person mentions it, it’s worth following up.”
Karl Pillemer, J. Jill Suitor, Catherine Riffin, and Megan Gilligan Adult Children’s Problems and Mothers’ Well-Being: Does Parental Favoritism Matter? Research on Aging 0164027515611464, 2015 doi:10.1177/0164027515611464