Cassandra Syndrome is a term derived from Greek mythology. It has been adopted by some modern psychologists to describe individuals who suffer physically and emotionally as a result of distressing personal perceptions and who are disbelieved when they attempt to share the source of their suffering with others.
In mythology, Cassandra was a priestess gifted with the ability to foresee the future, but cursed by Apollo so that no one would believe her prophecies. Similarly, the Cassandra Syndrome is characterized by a person’s experience of not being believed or understood when they discuss their struggles in relationships with autistic individuals.
This phenomenon often leads to feelings of anger, frustration, and isolation for the person experiencing Cassandra Syndrome, also known as the Cassandra complex, or phenomenon, as they may find that their spouse, friends, family, and medical professionals often dismiss their concerns.
In the context of autism and neurodiverse relationships, the term Cassandra Phenomenon was initially used to describe symptoms experienced by those close to adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). ASD is characterized by impaired social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication issues, and unusual or repetitive behaviours. Due to the wide range of symptoms and behaviours associated with autism, each individual’s experience can differ significantly.
The Cassandra Syndrome is not restricted to any specific gender, nor is it limited to romantic relationships. It can manifest in various connections involving neurodiverse individuals, such as parent-child, siblings, and friendships.
The notion of Cassandra syndrome as a form of normalcy bias has brought more attention to the challenges faced by neurotypical individuals in relationships with autistic partners or family members. As awareness around this phenomenon continues to increase, it offers hope for better understanding, empathy and support for those affected by Cassandra syndrome.
Symptoms
The Cassandra Syndrome often leads to a range of emotional symptoms among neurotypical people. In this context, Cassandra Syndrome is also known as Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome and Affective Deprivation Disorder, and is abbreviated CADD, OTRS, and AfDD.
One key aspect is anxiety, which may result from feeling misunderstood or invalidated in their relationships with others, particularly when discussing their experiences with an autistic partner. This anxiety can further lead to feelings of anger, resentment, and frustration as the individual struggles to convey their reality to others.
Depression is another common symptom, as the ongoing lack of understanding and support from friends, family members, and professionals can lead to a sense of isolation and despair. This emotional turmoil may also lead to feelings of guilt or self-doubt, as individuals may wonder if their perception of the situation is accurate or if they are overreacting.
The emotional stress caused by Cassandra Syndrome can also manifest in a variety of physical symptoms. One common symptom is sleep disturbances, which can include insomnia, nightmares, or even sleepwalking.
The body’s response to stress can also result in fatigue, making it difficult for individuals to maintain their daily routines and responsibilities.
In some cases, the emotional distress and the resulting physical symptoms may lead to weight changes. These fluctuations can be caused by changes in appetite, either overeating as a coping mechanism or losing appetite altogether.
Neurodivergence
Cassandra Syndrome is a term associated with neurodivergent intimate relationships, particularly those involving partners with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or Asperger’s Syndrome. Often, neurotypical partners in these relationships may feel unheard or unsupported due to the instinctive behavioural differences exhibited by their neurodivergent counterpart.
Individuals on the autism spectrum may face challenges in social skills and emotional regulation, which can contribute to difficulties in communication and understanding within the relationship. A neurodivergent partner with ASD or Asperger’s may struggle with empathy, which can cause their neurotypical partner to feel neglected, leading to a sense of rejection and experiencing distress as a result.
Carrie Leigh Mitran, a counsellor specializing in autism, suggested in a 2021 journal article that social norms contribute to considerable anxiety, worry, fear, and difficulties, such as the inability to interpret meaning, or read nonverbal communications.
In order to support a healthy and balanced relationship, both neurodivergent and neurotypical partners should work on developing effective communication skills. By doing so, they can bridge the gap in understanding each other’s unique perspectives and needs and work to lessen the emotional deprivation the NT partner feels.
Additionally, seeking professional guidance, such as couples therapy, may help both partners in neurodiverse couples better understand the complexities of autism spectrum disorders and Asperger’s Syndrome, leading to a more harmonious and empathetic connection.
In a 2021 paper, family therapist Michele L. Parker wrote that solution-focused brief therapy can be effective in improving communication and emotional awareness in neurodiverse couples but added that each partner’s trajectory of change in relationship satisfaction may differ over the course of treatment.
In many cases, neurodiverse couples counselling can be beneficial for couples facing these challenges. A professional counsellor who specializes in neurodiversity can help partners develop better communication strategies, foster empathy, and find practical solutions to improve their relationship dynamics.
Women in Relationships
According to Pnina Arad and colleagues, women in neurodiverse relationships report significantly higher psychological and physical abuse rates than women in neurotypical relationships. Women in the neurodiverse relationship study groups reported significantly lower perceived physical health, more somatic symptoms, and higher somatic symptom severity, as well as significantly higher levels of depression, higher depressive symptom severity, and significantly lower levels of subjective well-being than women in the control group.
One of the most important findings of their study was the lack of difference between women whose partners were formally diagnosed with ASD and women who suspected that their partners were on the autism spectrum for the majority of the examined measures.
Remember that being neurodivergent does not inherently indicate a lack of ability to maintain a successful relationship. With proper support, clear communication, and understanding, partners can embrace their neurodiversity and develop a strong, lasting connection. Emphasizing the importance of empathy and listening in these relationships allows both partners to feel heard, respected, and valued.
Connection with Greek Mythology
In Greek mythology. Cassandra was the daughter of King Priam of Troy. As a Trojan priestess, she was dedicated to the god Apollo, and was known for her beauty and intelligence. Apollo, captivated by her, granted her a gift of prophecy.
However, when Cassandra rejected Apollo’s romantic advances, he became angered and decided to curse her.
While she was still able to maintain her prophetic abilities, the curse ensured that no one would ever believe her predictions or warnings, no matter how accurate they were. This caused great suffering for Cassandra, as she tried in vain to use her gift for the benefit of others.
Cassandra in Jungian Psychology
Before it was applied to neurodiverse relationships, the metaphor appeared as a topic in some Jungian psychologists’ work.
Melanie Klein, a psychoanalyst, interpreted Cassandra in 1963 as reflecting the human moral conscience, whose primary function is to deliver warnings. Cassandra’s moral conscience, she wrote,
“predicts ill to come and warns that punishment will follow and grief will arise.”
Cassandra’s need to point out moral transgressions and the resulting social consequences is driven by what Klein refers to as “the destructive influences of the cruel super-ego,” which is represented in Greek myth by the god Apollo, Cassandra’s overlord and persecutor.
The Cassandra complex, according to Jungian analyst Laurie Layton Schapira, is the result of a dysfunctional relationship with what she refers to as the “Apollo archetype.” This archetype refers to any individual or culture’s pattern that is devoted to, yet constrained by, order, reason, intellect, truth, and clarity and disavows anything occult or irrational.
Layton Schapira wrote that:
“What the Cassandra woman sees is something dark and painful that may not be apparent on the surface of things or that objective facts do not corroborate. She may envision a negative or unexpected outcome; or something which would be difficult to deal with; or a truth which others, especially authority figures, would not accept. In her frightened, ego-less state, the Cassandra woman may blurt out what she sees, perhaps with the unconscious hope that others might be able to make some sense of it. But to them her words sound meaningless, disconnected and blown out of all proportion.”
In a 1989 essay on the god Apollo, Jean Shinoda Bolen, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California, detailed a psychological profile of the “Cassandra woman,” whom she suggested referred to someone suffering from a dysfunctional relationship with an “Apollo man,” as happened in the mythological relationship between Cassandra and Apollo. Bolen said that the Cassandra lady may have “hysterical” overtones and may be dismissed when seeking to convey what she knows.
References:
- Arad, P., Shechtman, Z., & Attwood, T. (2021). Physical and Mental Well-Being of Women in Neurodiverse Relationships : A Comparative Study.
- Bolen, Jean Shinoda. Gods in Everyman: A New Psychology of Men’s Lives and Loves (1989) Harpercollins ISBN 978-0062500984
- Klein, M., Envy and Gratitude- And Other Works 1946–1963 (1975) The Free Press ISBN: 978-0743237758
- Mitran, C.L. (2021). A New Framework for Examining Impact of Neurodiversity in Couples in Intimate Relationships. The Family Journal, 30, 437 – 443
- Parker, M.L. and Mosley, M.A. (2021). Therapy outcomes for neurodiverse couples: Exploring a solution-focused approach. J Marital Fam Ther, 47: 962-981
- Schapira, Laurie L. The Cassandra Complex: Living with Disbelief: A Modern Perspective on Hysteria. Toronto: Inner City Books (1987) ISBN 0-919123-35-X
- Willey, Liane Holliday (2001) Asperger Syndrome in the Family: Redefining Normal. Jessica Kingsley Publishers ISBN: 978-1853028731